You Can't Fix Stupid
by Hananian
Summary: The title says it all. McWeir with slight Kavanaugh whumping.


You Can't Fix Stupid

Elizabeth Weir was quickly becoming frustrated. -_How am I supposed to actually read these reports if people are constantly coming in to ask me what I thought of them?- _She wondered to herself, dropping the folder in her hand after reading the same paragraph three times and comprehending none of it.

_-You can't- _came the simple reply almost as soon as the thought made itself known. -_At least not here. You need to hide.- _Elizabeth laughed at herself. When you started giving yourself advice, especially if that advice was to get away, that did not bode well for the rest of the evening.

Realizing the futility of her continued presence, she made up her mind and quickly gathered the folders off her desk and headed out. She felt slightly guilty for not telling anyone where she was going, but not guilty enough to go back. -_It's not like I'm turning my headset off. They can reach me if they need to.- _The thought settled it and she quickly made her way to her quarters. She kicked her shoes off and settled on the bed with a sigh, scooted back to rest against the wall and opened the file on the top of the stack.

_-Oh great. Inventory of toilet paper supplies. There's a REPORT for this?-_ Elizabeth dropped the file on her other side and picked up the next one. Food stores. Well, that was a little better but still, to put it bluntly, boring. -_If people only knew the amount of management it took to keep this place running, I'd never have to worry about an uprising. Who'd want the job?-_ she couldn't help but laugh again. -_If it happens, I'm just going to let them have it. I'll give them 24 hours before they run away screaming to the first unpopulated world they can find!-_

With a shake of her head, Elizabeth picked up the next folder and smiled happily. Rodney's. No… Dr. McKay. More and more lately, thoughts that could only be termed inappropriate had begun to creep into her mind. The sound of his voice, deep and almost hypnotic at times. The hyper, excited way he moved, especially when he'd had too much caffeine. -_Those eyelashes. Mmmmm…-_ But if you could move past the eyelashes, which was almost impossible, there were the eyes themselves. Deep blue, so full of intelligence and spark and humor.

"Ok, Elizabeth. Stop that or you'll get nothing done." She felt silly speaking aloud, but it did the trick and she focused on the file. Must remember…Dr. McKay, not Rodney. Dr. McKay was the safe way to go. Distance was always a good idea.

About 2 hours and 3 files later, Elizabeth realized her eyes were drooping. Whether from the late hour or the tedium of Dr. Kavanaugh's report, she didn't know, but suspected that later. She closed her eyes, resting more fully against the wall and letting her mind drift where it wanted, knowing exactly where it was going to head, but decided to indulge herself. 45 minutes of Kavanaugh, she deserved a break. Within minutes, she was sleeping soundly.

Elizabeth looked around her, taking in the gateroom at the SGC and General Hammond at the foot of the ramp. On some level, she knew this was a dream. She realized that was wrong. Hammond had moved on. Landry was in charge now. Deciding it was a minor detail, she headed down the ramp to face the frowning general.

"Sir. What am I doing here?" She asked, curious, but not worried.

"We needed to discuss troubling issues with you and felt you deserved to tell your side of it before we made a decision." Hammond replied, backing up and indicating she should precede him to the Conference Room.

As they were settled, Elizabeth leaned forward, "My side? My side of what, General?"

General Hammond handed her a copy of the folder in front of him. "It seems some serious…accusations have arisen regarding your command ability."

Elizabeth froze, every insecurity and inadequacy she felt every day rising to the surface before she forcibly squished them down again. "Um…accusations?"

Hammond looked at the folder in front of him. "Yes. By a Doctor…Kavanaugh?"

Elizabeth felt the tension in her body evaporate. This had been a fear of hers since Lt. Ford had let slip the general nature of Kavanaugh's message home. This she could deal with, though she couldn't help but feel disgust that the little worm was even intruding on her dreams now. -_I allowed this man on my team…why?-_ she asked herself for the thousandth time.

She settled back and explained Kavanaugh to the general, confident that he had dealt with people like him and would understand. Before she knew it, he was leading her back to the stargate, laughing at the story she was telling about Kavanaugh's latest idiotic act.

"Well Doctor, I'm sorry we had to bring you back here for something so unnecessary, but maybe some good will come of it. Don't let him get under your skin. Just remind yourself, 'You can't fix stupid.'" he said with a grin as she stepped back through the gate.

She woke up with that thought in her brain. -_You can't fix stupid.-_ It said it all. Now to just remember it and let it help.

The next morning, Elizabeth's mood was higher, her steps lighter and her smile brighter. She entered the Commissary and headed for the coffee pot and the serving line. She noticed the line wasn't moving and leaned around the person in front of her to see the hold up. There he was again, Kavanaugh, this time arguing with the cook about something. Elizabeth sighed and walked up to settle the issue so she could get her food. She was beyond caring if Kavanaugh was happy. He'd burned his bridges with almost everyone there, and she was not going to hold his hand to make sure everyone was nice to him. As Kavanaugh stomped out of the room, she rolled her eyes and thankfully took a plate, and turned to find a table.

She smiled happily to see Rodn…Dr. McKay waving her towards him. She nodded and headed over, joining him happily. She could stay detached and still enjoy the man's company, she decided quickly. So what if she got the extra bonus of a close-up view of those eyelashes? She shook herself and focused on Dr. Eyelashes…ahem.. McKay.

She looked at him to see him looking at her quizzically. "Elizabeth, are you okay? He sounded sincerely concerned and her heart did a silly little flip. _Enough! _She told herself firmly.

"I'm fine. Just dealing with…. Wait a minute. YOU'RE his supervisor. And you obviously saw the whole thing. Why didn't YOU handle it?" She arched an eyebrow at him, and watched him squirm.

"Well…I… well see, I was going to. But then you showed up and I figured better to let the pros fix it," he finished with a flourish, grinning with hope the flattery would work.

Elizabeth laughed out loud and grinned at him, eyes twinkling. "Nope. Can't be done."

Rodney looked at her, confused. "You can't? And why not?"

She grinned even bigger, rarely seen dimples creasing her cheeks. "Because, you can't fix stupid." She laughed out loud again at his look of deep thought for a moment before his eyes cleared and his laughter rang out, joining her own.

As the days past, the words stuck with her. It wasn't an excuse, it was a release. She didn't have to fix everything. Some things just couldn't be fixed. Elizabeth moved thru the halls easily, essentially making rounds of the different departments. It made them feel special and shook them up at the same time. -_Got to keep them on their toes-_

As she approached the Research Labs, she heard voices raised in anger and sighed, then decided to hang back and see what she could learn. She recognized Rodn…damn! Dr. McKay's voice and it didn't take a genius to figure out who the other scientist involved was. McKay could be rude, snarky and downright insulting. But no one but Kavanaugh could infuriate him as much as he currently seemed to be.

_-If I interrupt now, it's going undermine McKay's authority- _she thought and decided to stay put and let him handle it.

Within moments, the argument was over and Kavanaugh stomped off. -_He stomps a lot- _Elizabeth thought idly. Suddenly McKay came around the corner and ran into her full force. She felt herself falling and knew it was going to hurt. Suddenly, she wasn't falling. She opened her eyes, not realizing she'd closed them, to see nothing but blue.

Rodney's shirt. Her face was pressed up against his chest, his arms wrapped around her, stopping her fall. She took a deep, steadying breath and instantly realized her mistake. He smelled….wonderful. Like soap and hard work and that indefinable…something that was him alone.

Elizabeth allowed herself one more deep breath, and then stepped away, filing the feel of the muscles in his arms and chest away in her mind for later analysis. She looked up into his concerned eyes and smiled, answering his unasked question. "I'm okay. Thank you, Dr. McKay."

Rodney looked at her, a mixture a relief and confusion. And yet, under it all there seemed a layer of sadness. She chose to not comment on the look and instead asked him about Kavanaugh.

He switched gears in him mind so fast you could almost hear them. "He's an idiot. Plain and simple. As stupid as he is annoying, which says quite a lot. I've tried, Elizabeth. God knows, I've tried. But…I can't even figure out if it's a shortcoming in his personality, or a total lack of one. But no matter how hard I try to fix this…" He paused, then looked at her with a smile, the kind he seemed to reserve just for her, and leaned closer to whisper loudly, "I just can't. It's totally impossible. So…I guess you're right. Ya just can't fix stupid." He winked and walked away, humming, ironically, the theme to "Mission Impossible" as he passed from sight.

Elizabeth continued her rounds, her mind now totally occupied with the conversation, as she played the entire encounter over and over in her mind. She finished her walk and headed back to her office, only to find Kavanaugh arguing heatedly with Peter Grodin. She saw Rodney in the background, working at one of the control stations, while keeping an eye on Kavanaugh. Peter seemed to be holding his own against the arrogant idiot, so Elizabeth decided to stay out of it and headed for her office.

As she passed the men, Kavanaugh saw her and made his first mistake; he grabbed her arm to stop her and turn her towards him. She winced at the tight grip and shook her arm to dislodge him. "Let go of my arm, Dr. Kavanaugh," she stated calmly.

"Dr. Weir, I've had enough of this." He began to rant to her, seemingly not hearing her quiet command to release her. "This man refuses to allocate the proper resources to my lab so I can complete the simulations I'm running." He held tight to her arm, shaking it in emphasis of his words. Elizabeth winced again. At that point, she saw McKay step up behind Kavanaugh, a glare of fury on his face.

"She told you to let her go, Kavanaugh. I suggest you obey that instruction…now." Elizabeth had never seen McKay so furious. Kavanaugh, on the other hand, didn't seem to notice, or care. He shook her arm again.

"I demand to know what you're going to do abo…oooffff!" The sentence was never finished. Kavanaugh was on the ground, holding his jaw in shock. Elizabeth looked to her left and saw McKay rubbing his hand.

"Elizabeth, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" He took her arm gently, examining the fair skin for any sign of a mark.

She stood there for a second that seemed like eternity. -_Did he just PUNCH someone for me? He protected me?- _Without any forethought, she tugged his arm, lightly pulling him into her office and shutting the door.

"You…you hit him." It sounded dumb to her own ears, yet she couldn't wrap her mind around the thought that Rodney McKay had punched someone, and for her.

"Well…yeah. He was hurting you and well… yeah." He looked sheepish, blushing lightly, and nervous as to what the possible reprisals of his impulsive action could be.

In that instant, it all became clear to Elizabeth. His special smiles that were just for her. The way he hovered, always ready to help whenever she needed him. His walks to the Commissary for dinner that just happened to take him past her office to see if she wanted to join him, when in reality, his office was only a few doors down from the Commissary, in the opposite direction. Suddenly, everything clicked into place.

She was being ridiculous. He couldn't have been more obvious in his care for her if he'd worn a shirt that proclaimed his feelings in neon green. And she'd been trying to push him away. She shook her head lightly at the stupidity of her actions. After all her comments about Kavanaugh, she'd been even dumber. She'd been…stupid.

Elizabeth smiled up at Rodney, holding his gaze, as the seconds passed from gratitude, to friendship, and longer, into something more. Deeper and more intense. Without giving herself time to talk herself out of it, she slid a hand to his cheek and guided his head closer to hers and said quietly, "You…you…protected me…Rodney."

His smile grew slowly, until in seemed to stretch from ear to ear. He understood the significance of what she'd said and decided to be brave. He leaned in closer, his lips barely an inch from hers. As he closed his eyes and moved the final distance, he heard her whisper, "We were wrong. It can be done, and you did it."

Rodney leaned back in surprise and confusion. "I did what? What were we wrong about?"

Elizabeth pulled his head back down until there lips were almost touching again. As she closed the tiny space between them, a split second before her dreams came true, she whispered,

"You fixed stupid."


End file.
